Jessica Simpson is no â€˜Major Movie Starâ€™Source
Jessica Simpson is reportedly in the running for an Oscar-caliber movie role which, if she lands it, will require her to appear completely naked on the silver screen. Though these reports are very preliminary and make no mention of Joe Simpson approving the idea, that won’t stop us from speculating which project would be so damn drenched with legitimacy, it could convince Jess to bare it all. Here are some options:
1) “Under The Mountain Of Dreams”Jessica portrays a mentally handicapped Iraq War veteran who is viciously raped, but who courageously pieces together her life, patches things up with her estranged family, and wins an Oscar. The last shot of the movie is Jessica’s character holding the Oscar, looking straight into the camera, and yelling “WINK” while winking.
2) “The Salty Cred”Jessica portrays a single mother who must strip completely naked a bunch of times at “The Salty Cred” strip bar, hoping to raise enough cred to appease her critical, malnourished children. .
3) “Bo Bimpson”Jessica plays “Bessica Bimpson,” a blonde singer-turned-actress whose ambitions towards legitimacy aren’t helped by allegations that her skeevy father, Bo, publicly masturbates to photos of her in front of huge crowds of reporters.
4) “B.” Jessica stars in a dramatic, fractured biopic about the troubled life of Susan B. Anthony, the influential female suffragist who fought for women’s rights against all odds in the early 20th century, and also took a bunch of showers near windows.
5) “Jessica Simpson’s Boobs”Jessica Simpson, playing herself, takes her top off at the beginning of the movie and just stands still in front of the camera for three hours. Dane Cook and Dax Sheperd never arrive, and “Dukes of Hazzard” doesn’t occur.
Jessica Simpsonâ€™s acting career doesnâ€™t seem long for this world. Despite months of denials from the Simpson camp, Simpsonâ€™s most recent film â€œBlonde Ambitionâ€ is going straight to DVD. Her next film, ironically titled â€œMajor Movie Star,â€ could very well be headed toward the same straight-to-video fate according to some insiders.
[tags]Jessica Simpson, â€˜Major Movie Starâ€™, blonde ambition, movie star, movie[/tags]
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